Thursday, October 17, 2013
I have been thinking about this post for awhile. I have been waiting to post it, because I am still a very guilty party of my own complaints. So read my post as a start to my own personal growth. I have made mention of this is past posts, on how “busy” we are and how attached we are to our technology. Yes, I am guilty of these things. I didn’t realize this at first, and I thought other people were missing out on the world around them. It hit me like a ton of bricks, when I realized that I, too, was missing out on the world around me. It started to hit me this summer, when I spent a couple weekends in the country. I loved it up there. I loved the slow pace. I loved spending quality time with the people I love. We spent actual time together. We had actual conversations. We laughed real laughs. We actually bonded. We made some real memories. And I treasured this time so much. It hit me even harder, when people would ask me what I had been up to. I would say, ”I have been busy”. But I found myself absent of a follow-up sentence. I couldn’t really describe what I had been busy with, I just knew that time had passed and I had been running around doing stuff. But I had too few real things, memories, or conversations, to show for it. And that is what hit me like a ton of bricks. We always look forward to Friday. We always look forward to our vacations. We always look forward to the holidays. But what about today? When today is over and done, what do I have to show for it? I sludged (totally made up this word, but I like it) through work, went home, cooked dinner, spent a few hours catching up on my DVR, and went to bed. Is that what I want Thursday, October 17, 2013 to be about? Is that how tomorrow is going to go? That sounds so sad. It is sad, and it is not who I want to be. My new goal is to be mindful, curious, and present. I don’t want to go through today on auto pilot. I want to LIVE today. I want to make connections with people. I want to feel good about what I did at work. I want to turn off the tv and go for a walk. I want to play cards and goof off instead of catching up on the latest Vampire Diaries. I want to knit something that I have never knit before with yarn that I absolutely love, instead of just cranking out the same old thing time after time with cheap yarn. I am going to do things that I have always wanted to do, but simply just have not done them. I am going to be more present with my family. I was recently down in Alabama for my grandmother’s funeral. Instead of just sitting around waiting to leave, like I normally would have done, I actually asked some questions. I listened to the others talk about my paw paw and maw maw, and it was like I was getting to know people whom I had never met. It is hard to imagine your grandmother as a young wife who started a family at the end of the Great Depression. While I was sitting at my grandmother’s house, I learned that my aunt is a crafter. I wish I had learned the importance of being mindful, curious, and present awhile ago. It is with much regret that the one of my favorite trips to my grandmother’s house was for her funeral. To think about all the stories and wisdom I missed out on, it gives me inspiration to ask more questions and to be more present with the family members that I am blessed to still have with me. I am going to be more present with my friends. They are really awesome; they are responsible for so much joy in my life. I am going to put my phone on silent when I am with them. I am going to invest my time, with people who invest theirs in me. Get ready friends, I am going to become more invested in your life, in your happiness, and in your achievements. I hope to enrich your life as much as you have enriched mine. I am going to be more present with Justin. I chose to be with him. I chose to marry him, and vowed to LIVE the rest of my life with him. And I am going to live that life. Because one day we will be too deaf to go to a rock concert. One day we will be too tired to stay up all night and play video games with each other. One day we will be too mature to sit at the kitchen table and play with Legos. One day we will be too old to go for a walk on a fall evening. And as morbid as it is, one day one of us won’t be here. I don’t want to miss any of these opportunities. Not a single one. I want to look back and see a full and vibrant life with real experiences, real people, and real memories. I am not going to be on auto pilot. I am going to live the life that was given to me, and I plan to do it well. So there you have it, my heart, my plans, and my hopes.